Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s should come with a daily warning - like a weather report - “Intense fog expected today from noon until 3pm, with occasional bursts of sunshine.” For most of the 40 years I’ve known my mother-in-law, I considered her eccentric - and at times annoying, silly, and too freely given to advice. When bemoaning these qualities early on in marriage, my mother said:
“Do you love your husband?”
“Absolutely.”
She smirked and leaned in to quip: “Well, who raised him?”
I’ve had to revisit that conversation many times over the years.
My children aptly labeled her Fun Nana. It is rare to be in her presence and not laugh…or groan….depending on my mood. One summer we were having difficulty getting our daughter Zoe to eat. Imagine my surprise when realizing Nana taught Zoe the joys of placing small pieces of bologna between her toes and bringing her foot to her mouth to eat. Nana scoffed at my distress and said, “Missy, everything tastes better if your piggies help!”
Once she gave me a fuzzy pink robe - fairly ugly, but our one-year old daughter Mary Kate loved the feel of it and its big buttons. That ugly robe transformed into Mary Kate''s much loved “bankie”. She loved it so much we even had to lock it in the hotel safe when traveling! She still has shredded remnants.
Another time my husband Nick and I were going to New Orleans - our first trip without children in a long while. Before leaving, Nana privately gave me a small box and said, “I hope you enjoy these! They are so much fun, but I want them back.” In the box: a set of flamboyant pasties. I could only croak out a “thanks?” in response. When I tried them out on our trip, Nick said, “Wow! Where did you get those?!?!” I unwisely said, “They’re your Mom’s. I borrowed them.” The mood instantly, um, deflated and it’s the only time Nick has said to me: “don’t ever wear those again.”
We had sunshine for many years and didn’t notice the fog at first: a missed haircut, a past due bill, a lost credit card. But then she got lost driving to our house two miles from her own.
On Christmas Eve, we took her car keys - what a strange terrible gift.
As the fog deepens with doctor visits, managing medicine, and answering the same questions over and over, we still have moments of sunshine, especially when combing through her many old photo albums. We find the fuzzy pink bankie and the bologna toes. No sighting of the pasties yet, but if they turn up, you can bet they’ll see sunshine again. | 
