Erma Bombeck Writing Competition  

Photo of Erma Bombeck
"Hook 'em with the lead. Hold 'em with laughter. Exit with a quip they won't forget." ˜ Erma Bombeck
The Erma Bombeck Writing Competition opens on December 4, 2023, at 8 A.M. (EST)!

2016 Honorable Mention - Human Interest - Global

"The Other Female In Our Bed" - Written By: Janie Emaus - Winnetka, CA, United States
I would rather have come home from my spa weekend and discovered my husband in bed with another woman than with a two month old Labrador retriever curled between his legs.

The woman would have been gone within seconds.

As for that puppy? She was here to stay.

“Don’t you just love Ziva?” my daughter asked several days later, as I sprayed yet another carpet deodorizer promising to bring “pine freshness” onto our living room carpet. “Isn’t she adorable and fun?”

I didn’t find anything adorable about chewing up every paper product in our house: coasters, napkins, books. Or anything fun about moving items with the slightest hint of wood pulp to higher altitude.

“But you have to admit, Mom, a puppy is the best thing for Dad.”

On that I had to agree with my daughter.

The previous year had been tough for my husband. After being diagnosed with a rare brain tumor (ironically more prevalent in dogs), he survived an eight hour surgery and then received his certificate from a seven week radiation treatment.

During that period his best friend and business partner of three decades, discovered he had liver cancer. He wasn’t so lucky.

After his friend’s passing my husband spent hours watching TV. He lost his passion for cooking. He quit playing his guitar. He hadn’t seen a sunrise or sunset in almost a year.

Once Ziva entered his life, everything changed.

During those first weeks, he got up every few hours to let her outside. I’d often find him in the morning stretched on a lounge with Ziva cuddled on his chest. The sun rising over the back fence signaled play time.

He began taking her for walks. He brought her to the pet store to pick out her collar and leash. He spared no expense on the finest puppy food. He took her to obedience school where he learned to obey her commands.

The TV went unwatched. Our kitchen became filled with savory aromas. In the evenings, we watched Ziva run circles through the backyard.

As the months progressed, Ziva grew from twenty to fifty pounds. Her culinary tastes expanded to include plastic such as gift cards, inhalers and pens. And for dessert she loved stuffing. And I don’t mean the kind found inside a turkey.

There went our patio chairs, our swing cushions and her heart-shaped bed.

And little by little, there went my heart. How could I not love this precious puppy who had brought my husband back to me?

So, these days if you should enter our home in the evening, you’ll find all three of us in bed together. Snuggling, loving and taking care of each other.


About the Author:

Janie Emaus believes when the world is falling apart, we're just one laugh away from putting it together again.

She is the author of the time travel romance, Before the After, and the young adult novel, Mercury in Retro Love. She has an essay in the anthology, You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth, the forthcoming Fiesty after 45, and has been published in the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.

In a previous life she wrote books for Parachute Press, the packager of the Goosebumps and Fear Street series, educational videos, ad copy for adult videos, and stories for The Los Angeles Times Kids’ Reading Room Page.

Her blogs appear on The Huffington Post, Purple Clover, In The Powder Room, Scary Mommy, The Washington Post, Good Housekeeping and Woman’s ay. She was proud to be named a 2013 BlogHer Voice of the Year. She loves visits to her website. www.janieemaus.com.