Erma Bombeck Writing Competition  

Photo of Erma Bombeck
"Hook 'em with the lead. Hold 'em with laughter. Exit with a quip they won't forget." ˜ Erma Bombeck
The Erma Bombeck Writing Competition is now open!
Competition closes Tuesday, January 6, 2026 at 8 P.M. (EST)

2014 First Place - Human Interest - Global

"Favorite Neighbor Brat" - Written By: Kim Parsells - Lewiston, ID, United States
I have marched this kid home by his ear, to his mother, on more than one occasion.



I’ve seen him take bike crashes that leave my finger poised over the last 1 in a 9-1-1 call only to watch him get up and shake it off. He can show the most charming manners one moment and in the next, rip a streak of swear words that would’ve made Richard Pryor in his heyday blush.



He’s Noah, and he’s our favorite neighbor brat. We can’t help but adore him.



My daughter, Dakota is the only girl on the block and he’s been pulling her pigtails, both literally and figuratively, for 10 years now.



I’m not sure what inspired the decision but a few years back Noah decided he was going to be responsible for Dakota and me. Mind you, we’re doing just fine. We live in a nice house, are generally very happy and want for very little. Noah lives in a rundown duplex, is often alone and has 12 scars to date from outrageous fights with his older brother. Yet, he feels the need to take care of us.



He announced his intention the day he showed up to help Dakota pooper-scoop because, and I quote, “Someone’s got to be the man around here.” He said this directly to me and was making a point. I’m not sure if the point was that he’s a man or that he felt that I needed to get it together and remarry already, or both.



On occasion, when there is another male at our house, he marches right up and introduces himself - extending a hand, all the while staring them dead in the eyes. I’ve been told he squeezes their hand and holds his shake a bit too long. His sheer audacity has earned him their respect.



No less than three times a week he trots over to our house in his old man slippers to find out what’s for dinner. We rarely eat meat and this concerns him. This year Noah got his first deer. After telling us the story, he raised his arms and announced with great pride that he's got enough meat for all of us. We celebrated with a special dinner featuring a package of his deer, mac and cheese and milkshakes.



Noah’s a little short for his age, but does 40 push-ups every night and reports back regularly to let us know how his 6-pack is coming. We cheer him on and assure him that any day now he’s going to enter a growth spurt that will leave us looking up to him. The truth is though, we already do.



About the Author:

Kim Parsells is a forty one year old, single mom living in Lewiston, Idaho. Daily she experiences the thrill of things not going according to plan. Rather than cry and drink excessively, she chooses to write little stories about it.