Erma Bombeck Writing Competition - Winners
2007
Erma Bombeck Writing Competition
Honorable Mention
Humor - Dayton
Jennifer Wagley
Dayton, Ohio
"Dogged Devotion"
| Pound for pound, the Afghan is the most expensive animal we own. Magnum Shafar's Duff is 14 and suffers from Cognitive Dysfunction Syndrome (Alzheimer's). His condition is complicated by cataracts, because even when he can remember where he is, he can't see where he's going. Fortunately, there is a medication that has proven to be extremely successful in battling doggie dementia and our brave man is slowly regaining mental ground. Because of Duff's extremely long spine, he also has a history of back ailments and is plagued by slipped discs. His chiropractor has worked wonders and recently teamed up with an acupuncturist to develop a comprehensive treatment plan. The poor hound's bone cancer continues to advance, but after consulting a Chinese herbalist, we remain hopeful. Meanwhile, Corrie - the Shepherd mix - has begun acting out. The animal behaviorist said we were sending mixed messages, and that Susan and I needed to re-examine our canine expectations. I regularly struggle with Corrie's control issues, trying to teach through example. And although she shows some interest when I squat and urinate in the yard, she continues to prefer the living room carpet. Her separation anxiety persists, the tragic outcome of a traumatic childhood marked by premature weaning. We have made some progress, however, and believe Corrie will eventually work through her abandonment issues and learn to trust in the powerful bond between us. Izzie, a black-and-white cat, suffers from a distorted body image. She imagines herself to be considerably smaller than she actually is and regularly finds herself stuck in tight places. Each incident deals such a crippling blow to her self-esteem that she binge eats, which quickly spirals into cataclysmic bouts with bulimia. When this happens, there is nothing we can do but hold her and tell her she is beautiful just the way she is. Sampson, the 129-pound rescue Rottweiler, remains deathly afraid of lightning and his own farts. As a result, thunderstorm warnings and flatulent episodes are met with a healthy dose of Benadryl. This makes him drowsy, but as long as he doesn't operate heavy machinery or drink alcohol, he is fine. We were devastated earlier in the year when his routine blood test came back positive for lymphoma. By placing our faith in Saint Francis of Assisi, we were guided to an oncologist who has experienced a great deal of success in treating the disease. Thanks to chemotherapy, Sampson is now thriving and has established himself as the darling of the clinic. The staff members are wonderfully supportive. On more than one occasion, they have told us we are ideal pet owners and that we have met each medical challenge with a great deal of payments, I mean, patience. |